I am sitting here in disbelief that time has gone by so quickly. Exactly one year ago, I had known that the next day would bring the birth of my first child (I had just found out that day that the c-section would be the following day), and although I was running around like a mad woman trying to get all the last minute things done, I can admit that I was in denial-or perhaps just unaware that life was about to change forever.
Change is good. In this case, change has been transcendent. Motherhood has surpassed any possible expectations I may have had, and Caden has brought with him a whole new realm of happiness and hopefulness that morphs and grows, day by day, just as he does.
He is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes on.
The other day I had a revelation. I was thinking about fate, and there being reasons for life unfolding in the way it does. I'm unsure as to whether I believe that our lives or events are pre-destined, but sometimes I do feel like things from our past have often prepared us for what lays ahead, however we may not fully realize it unless we reflect upon the past. I guess if you've seen "Slumdog Millionaire" you kind of know where I'm going with this...
Anyway, back to my revelation. I was thinking about how I was in my late teens and early twenties, as far as schooling/career path goes. I remember at the time thinking that although I was a good student in the sciences, I didn't really find myself passionate about any particular area, so as per my teachers' advise, I went to University for a Bachelor of Science. About half way through my second year I was really hating it, but I couldn't stand the thought of wasting two years for nothing, so I decided to just hurry up and finish my degree in 3 years. After graduation I still had no clue what to do, so I spent the next two years working to support myself and also try to pay down some of the student loans. During that time I tried to figure out what I should be doing with myself, and I'll say now that I kind of "fell" into Nursing School. I figured it was likely a secure job, or at least would provide me with some transferable skills so that work would be easy to come by. I also thought that I would be putting to use at least some of my science background and felt that maybe the BSc. would come in handy, thus not just a useless piece of paper and pile of debt. So off to school I went for another 4 years.
Fast-forward to the present day, and I have now been a Nurse for 5 years.
This is where the revelation comes in...
Perhaps all of that "useless" training; all of the schooling and knowledge gained through haphazardly stumbling through life, the decisions based on natural affinities for certain subject matter-perhaps it was all just preparation?
Preparation for the arrival of a son who was born with unique challenges, a son who would benefit from someone who could speak the language, do the research, understand the science, ask the questions and above all, advocate for the best possible care.
It's like I was made for him. No, I think that it's actually the other way around. I think he was actually tailor made for me-for us. We just had to put in the work first. The preparations may have taken a while, the path may have been winding, but we arrived exactly where we needed to be at the right time to meet our boy, our Caden.
Like I said before, change is good. And because of this particular change-the birth of our son-I am reborn.
I love you Bubba :)
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I knew it.
So, a few months ago I suspected that Caden's iron levels were probably pretty low. He had exceeded the 6 month mark when the iron stores he'd gained from me were likely dropping, and he was not taking formula or a bottle at all for that matter (still breastfeeding) and he had become uninterested in eating actual food, usually gagging while I tried to feed him some sort of puree. He also went through a period of looking very pale and seeming quite irritable or cranky, which is out of character for him. Soooo, I brought up my concerns to the pediatrician who agreed that it would be a good idea to do some blood work.
Imagine my surprise when I called the doctor's office after a couple of weeks, and the receptionist looked up the chart and said the blood work all came back normal. This seemed reasonable considering Caden's coloring had improved and he was now eating a bit better, I just figured maybe he had been going through a "cranky" phase. Imagine my surprise again, a couple of months later when we had a follow up appointment, when the pediatrician mentions that Caden's iron levels were "borderline low" in that same bloodwork...
So about a week and a half ago, I brought Caden to redo the bloodwork as per the doctor's advise. Yesterday I received a call from the pediatrician saying that Caden does in fact have pretty low iron stores and low hemoglobin, and he will now need to take an iron supplement.
I knew it!! (Even Dave can tell you, I am always right...)
Skip forward a few hours to yesterday evening, just after Caden has awoken from a nap, and right around the time Dave gets home from work. Caden is just not himself-he's lethargic, flopping his head on our shoulder, looking exhausted, just laying there when I change his diaper (unheard of!). So the part of me that overthinks everything starts to wonder if this has anything to do with his low hemoglobin. I tried to feed him and he gags and projectile vomits after only one or two bites. I then become worried about putting him to bed this way, so off to the walk in clinic we go!
Turns out it was a stomach bug, which just got worse as the night went on-I think we changed the crib bedding 3 times. It was off and on vomiting and diarrhea until he finally went to sleep at around three a.m. I felt the same way I did when he was a newborn and I was just running on autopilot during all the night feedings. A frustrating night to say the least, when you add in a fever and me second-guessing whether or not to give another dose of tylenol because Caden threw up mere minutes after the first dose.
And then this morning I walked into his room to find a brand new shiny little boy smiling up at me from his crib. I felt like hell, and there's Caden pointing, wanting me to lift him up so he can be carried over to the monkey decals on his wall and have a little chat with them. If only I could recover that quickly :)
Imagine my surprise when I called the doctor's office after a couple of weeks, and the receptionist looked up the chart and said the blood work all came back normal. This seemed reasonable considering Caden's coloring had improved and he was now eating a bit better, I just figured maybe he had been going through a "cranky" phase. Imagine my surprise again, a couple of months later when we had a follow up appointment, when the pediatrician mentions that Caden's iron levels were "borderline low" in that same bloodwork...
So about a week and a half ago, I brought Caden to redo the bloodwork as per the doctor's advise. Yesterday I received a call from the pediatrician saying that Caden does in fact have pretty low iron stores and low hemoglobin, and he will now need to take an iron supplement.
I knew it!! (Even Dave can tell you, I am always right...)
Skip forward a few hours to yesterday evening, just after Caden has awoken from a nap, and right around the time Dave gets home from work. Caden is just not himself-he's lethargic, flopping his head on our shoulder, looking exhausted, just laying there when I change his diaper (unheard of!). So the part of me that overthinks everything starts to wonder if this has anything to do with his low hemoglobin. I tried to feed him and he gags and projectile vomits after only one or two bites. I then become worried about putting him to bed this way, so off to the walk in clinic we go!
Turns out it was a stomach bug, which just got worse as the night went on-I think we changed the crib bedding 3 times. It was off and on vomiting and diarrhea until he finally went to sleep at around three a.m. I felt the same way I did when he was a newborn and I was just running on autopilot during all the night feedings. A frustrating night to say the least, when you add in a fever and me second-guessing whether or not to give another dose of tylenol because Caden threw up mere minutes after the first dose.
And then this morning I walked into his room to find a brand new shiny little boy smiling up at me from his crib. I felt like hell, and there's Caden pointing, wanting me to lift him up so he can be carried over to the monkey decals on his wall and have a little chat with them. If only I could recover that quickly :)
Thursday, September 16, 2010
All kinds of changes...
Once again I have slacked on the updates...to tell you the truth, I am not good at doing daily or weekly posts, so then I get overwhelmed at the prospect of an update because so much has changed or happened with Caden by the time I actually sit down to write about it! But I have decided to do my best and not feel guilty about it-after all big updates are better than no updates :)
So the last entry was exactly a month ago today, and there is so much to tell! Caden seems to be such a little boy now, no longer a baby that I can just snuggle with any time I want, now it's up to him. That being said, there is a new development that fully makes up for any sadness I may feel at the loss of infancy, and that is "hugs on demand". For the past couple of weeks Dave or I can say "hugs?" to Caden and he will (usually) stop what he's doing, smile, and reach in for a nice cuddle :) it makes our day...
It's been a couple of weeks since the OT was last here, and let me tell you she will be impressed when she comes next. About 2.5 weeks ago Caden was coming along with trying to pull up on things (with great effort) and kind of playing while kneeling, both things that the OT wanted to see advancing for the next visit. Well, next time she comes Caden can show her how he: pulls up to standing with ease, stands and cruises around his crib and playpen, can sit back down from standing, can kneel for quite a while and play with his toys, easily transitions from laying on his belly to sitting etc., etc. The only thing I think still needs some work is his crawling, which continues to be kind of a commando shuffle instead of a hands and knees full crawl, and he still somewhat drags his right leg rather than bend it (who knows why, but I'm assuming it's some sort of compensation for his right arm/side). I'm hoping we will get our physio referral soon otherwise I'll have to take matters into my own hands and find my own.
As you can see, the boy's got a lot of teeth! We are currently up to #9 (including 2 molars) with #10 likely making an appearance in the next week or so. Teething has been relatively painless thus far (for us), with just a couple of night wakings requiring Tylenol. As you may expect, with teeth comes biting, every so often we'll get chomped during a hug, or even just out of the blue-Caden's like a little shark, he comes at you with his mouth open, all cute, but then he sinks his teeth in...hopefully this phase doesn't last long!
His eating is continuing to go well, and I've cut down a bit on the breastfeeding in preparation for weaning before he starts daycare. He doesn't drink too much from sippy cups though, so I'm hoping that improves soon and I can relax a bit and know he's getting enough fluids before I cut him off completely from the boob ;)
On that note, I did start him on whole milk today-I figured it's almost time anyway, he's not drinking much, and maybe he'll like the taste and drink more from the cup than he does when it's just filled with juice or water. We'll see how that goes, so far so good!
We have been continuing with the lymphatic drainage massage which I have been performing daily and bringing Caden to the RMT bi-weekly to have done. Since we have been doing this daily (with one or two missed days here and there) his right arm has maintained it's decreased size and swelling, and the skin continues to be soft and pliable as opposed to the puffy tightness it had been prior. I will admit that I haven't been bandaging the arm as often for compression, this is due to the fact that when I do apply the dressing Caden does not move or use that arm nearly as much as usual, and I don't want to limit his development or ability to play. We also received the revised night time garment which fits well but does take some getting used to, so we will be slowly integrating it into his routine.
Over the past week or so, Caden's "full-hand point" has been refined into the one-finger point. He loves having us carry him around the house as he points out various things expecting us to bring him over to them, all the while chatting or grunting. It's definitely become a game and I'm fully aware that he's got us trained :)
We've started another session of "creep, crawl and toddle" at he Early Years Center, where we are also doing a "Baby Picasso's" class. During the last couple of classes Caden has turned into quite the little ham; pointing, "singing" along with the music, yelling to get the other kids' attention and flashing his toothy smile at whoever will take notice. I'm hoping these experiences help to get him semi-prepared for daycare, I guess we shall see...
I can't believe that in two weeks our little boy will be 1 year old. He is truly the love of our lives and I can't believe how much he has shown us about what it means to be a family, a fighter, and the best gift any two people could ever hope for. I will most definitely be doing another post closer to his birthday about what I've learned and the love I've experienced over the past year...
Finally, I'm including these pics that I took while Dave gave Caden his first taste of a Popsicle a few days ago...enjoy :)
...I think he likes it...
So the last entry was exactly a month ago today, and there is so much to tell! Caden seems to be such a little boy now, no longer a baby that I can just snuggle with any time I want, now it's up to him. That being said, there is a new development that fully makes up for any sadness I may feel at the loss of infancy, and that is "hugs on demand". For the past couple of weeks Dave or I can say "hugs?" to Caden and he will (usually) stop what he's doing, smile, and reach in for a nice cuddle :) it makes our day...
It's been a couple of weeks since the OT was last here, and let me tell you she will be impressed when she comes next. About 2.5 weeks ago Caden was coming along with trying to pull up on things (with great effort) and kind of playing while kneeling, both things that the OT wanted to see advancing for the next visit. Well, next time she comes Caden can show her how he: pulls up to standing with ease, stands and cruises around his crib and playpen, can sit back down from standing, can kneel for quite a while and play with his toys, easily transitions from laying on his belly to sitting etc., etc. The only thing I think still needs some work is his crawling, which continues to be kind of a commando shuffle instead of a hands and knees full crawl, and he still somewhat drags his right leg rather than bend it (who knows why, but I'm assuming it's some sort of compensation for his right arm/side). I'm hoping we will get our physio referral soon otherwise I'll have to take matters into my own hands and find my own.
As you can see, the boy's got a lot of teeth! We are currently up to #9 (including 2 molars) with #10 likely making an appearance in the next week or so. Teething has been relatively painless thus far (for us), with just a couple of night wakings requiring Tylenol. As you may expect, with teeth comes biting, every so often we'll get chomped during a hug, or even just out of the blue-Caden's like a little shark, he comes at you with his mouth open, all cute, but then he sinks his teeth in...hopefully this phase doesn't last long!
His eating is continuing to go well, and I've cut down a bit on the breastfeeding in preparation for weaning before he starts daycare. He doesn't drink too much from sippy cups though, so I'm hoping that improves soon and I can relax a bit and know he's getting enough fluids before I cut him off completely from the boob ;)
On that note, I did start him on whole milk today-I figured it's almost time anyway, he's not drinking much, and maybe he'll like the taste and drink more from the cup than he does when it's just filled with juice or water. We'll see how that goes, so far so good!
We have been continuing with the lymphatic drainage massage which I have been performing daily and bringing Caden to the RMT bi-weekly to have done. Since we have been doing this daily (with one or two missed days here and there) his right arm has maintained it's decreased size and swelling, and the skin continues to be soft and pliable as opposed to the puffy tightness it had been prior. I will admit that I haven't been bandaging the arm as often for compression, this is due to the fact that when I do apply the dressing Caden does not move or use that arm nearly as much as usual, and I don't want to limit his development or ability to play. We also received the revised night time garment which fits well but does take some getting used to, so we will be slowly integrating it into his routine.
Over the past week or so, Caden's "full-hand point" has been refined into the one-finger point. He loves having us carry him around the house as he points out various things expecting us to bring him over to them, all the while chatting or grunting. It's definitely become a game and I'm fully aware that he's got us trained :)
We've started another session of "creep, crawl and toddle" at he Early Years Center, where we are also doing a "Baby Picasso's" class. During the last couple of classes Caden has turned into quite the little ham; pointing, "singing" along with the music, yelling to get the other kids' attention and flashing his toothy smile at whoever will take notice. I'm hoping these experiences help to get him semi-prepared for daycare, I guess we shall see...
I can't believe that in two weeks our little boy will be 1 year old. He is truly the love of our lives and I can't believe how much he has shown us about what it means to be a family, a fighter, and the best gift any two people could ever hope for. I will most definitely be doing another post closer to his birthday about what I've learned and the love I've experienced over the past year...
Finally, I'm including these pics that I took while Dave gave Caden his first taste of a Popsicle a few days ago...enjoy :)
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